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    December 31

    i was happy at first.

    发了这个之后我才想后加一句。。。光爱子。。。我讨厌现在的你。。软弱。。看不起你

    整个世界只剩下我一个人

    那边是早晨或许清晨
    侧身的同时感到你在转身
    本来完整的旋律,却被我一次一次的打断
    无法再弹出最初的音色。。。。

    为什么每次每次都是这样。。我什么都写不出来。。
    脑子变成浆糊。。什么感觉都没有了
    剩下的只有回忆。。。。
    我难受,想哭出来但却没有一滴眼泪。。我想放松却又不能税负自己
    本来因该很开心。。为什么当我抬头去看星星的时候心里如此烦躁如此难受。。。
    谁能教会我如何去哭。。。。痛哭出来。。。
    i fucking wanna cry....
    i really wanna cry....
    someone please tell me how to...
    maybe it would be all better...

    爷爷:您对于我来说不只是爷爷,长辈,家人。。。却是一个很亲近要好得朋友。。想起我们以前无数次的打闹吵闹开玩笑。。我真的太难受了。。如果您真的变成天空中的一颗闪亮的星星,希望您能明白我现在真的很想念您。这次对我打击真的太大了!您知道吗。。。

    不管白天我有多开心
    晚上都会不由自主地失落



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    i dnt know whats going on with me, one second i was happy, next i was sad...
    maybe i really need to sort out my head, mind and so much more of me
    or...maybe i might be going crazy cos of all the stress
    i dnt know...
    what is wrong with you panda???
    what is really going on in your head panda???
    you never used to be like this...why are you just so weak this time...life n death never used to really bother u this much...
    cant u just stay strong...and sort out your mind...dnt be so weak suki...you damn panda...



    谢谢panpan。。。告诉我意大利语中这首类似于诗的英文翻译。。。this is really helping me alot...more then you expect it would. ye! ur right. time will make the pain go away. guess i just need time to really relax and be myself again, then sort out my head and mind.

    Time will lessen the pain...
    时间会淡化痛苦
    but if i need him look to the sky…
    但,如果我需要他就会仰望天空
    his star will guide me forever and take me far...
    他变成的那颗星星会指点很引导我到永远,伴随我。



    。。。。
    希望我能很快的好起来。。真的受不了这种痛苦了。。。


    December 30

    i really wanna smile

    i wish for alot of things...
    but right now, i wish i can smile, cry or scream out all my pain.

    December 27

    stars

    爷爷终于还是离开了我。6号早上下午离开的医院,凌晨4点接到了电话:你爷爷不行了。赶到医院的时候爷爷躺在那里,最后一口气,最后用了全身力气叫了我的名字,最后一次叫了我的名字。当时我已经哭不出来了!给爷爷换了衣服,拉到太平间。。。我才真正明白现在爷爷已经走了,躲在一个小墙角哭了很久。前一分钟我还有爷爷,后一分钟爷爷就永远的离开了我。真的接受不了!但我必须要照顾奶奶,当奶奶的面忍住泪水,勉强的笑容。当时真想大声呼喊;我没有那么坚强。爷爷我知道在最后两天中您很痛苦,现在您去了另外一个世界,希望您会更好。
    爷爷最后一天的时候我才知道了所谓的爱;奶奶做在病床前,拉着爷爷的手一滴眼泪都没有就静静的看着。爷爷勉强睁着双眼看着奶奶,但由于激动心跳加快从 130下到167下。奶奶必须离开爷爷让他休息,逼迫自己离开了坐椅走向病房门口。爷爷闭上了眼睛,奶奶回头深情的看了爷爷一眼就走出去了。虽然很简单,电影上也看过很多次,但这52年的夫妻的感情让我震撼让我惊讶。没有说一句话没有任何眼泪,他们的眼神让我真正明白了所谓的爱和离别。。。

    我许愿: 爷爷再见了,希望您在另外一个世界会更好。我会照顾好奶奶,不会让她感觉到孤独不会让她受到任何痛苦。我可以看到那棵星星,天空中最闪亮的星星,我知道您在看着我们。

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    you
    always shine in the sky,
    always shine by my side,
    memories of you still makes me smile
    smile tho my heart is acheing
    smile even tho my heart is breaking
    things are hard but i will never keep on trying
    whats the use of crying, life is still worth while if i just smile
    sunshine always come after rain, it will be a better day
    i just need to smile
    so grandpa, i smile, just for you!
    i will hide every little trace of sadness
    even tears maybe ever so near
    but i will keep on trying
    smile and push all the pain aside me
    i will smile,.,just for you
    爷爷。。。我把我每一次的笑容都送给你...我最爱的爷爷